FIRST TIME POSITIVE

Hallelujah!!! Praise the Lord!!! Today is the first time positive test result for pregnancy. I woke up early and upon dipping the tester, it immediately show!!! I didn't even have to wait. Before this it was always negative and I spent time waiting for about 3 to 5 minutes to see the same negative result. But today was different!!! I immediately on the lights and showed it to my husband! Instantly his sleepy eyes brightened and there was an ear to ear smile on his face. That smile is so him... Since he has a under bite teeth condition, it makes his pouty lips fill up his whole face whenever he smile and that is exactly the smile that he has... A long wide almost permanent smile.

This is the Home Pregnancy Test of course and I would have to take the lab test to confirm it. But even before I took the test, I was quite confident, it's like I just knew it kind of feeling. I have been feeling lethargic and sleepy as of late. Yesterday for instance, I woke up at 6am to fix breakfast for my husband and then went back to sleep and woke up at 10:30am!!! I did some work and by 15:00pm I am already sleepy and went to sleep till 18:00pm. I cooked dinner and by 22:00, I am already asleep!!! I have been feeling a little cramp on my abdominal as of late and lightheaded. I tried to stick to my exercise program but the vitality seems gone.

I took a Home Pregnancy Test at around early this month and the result was negative and so I wasn't thinking much about it. I thought I was just tired. But yesterday something told me to take it and in my little heart I was quite sure about it.

I love my husband for not having any preferences on whether the child will be a boy or a girl, born in the year of Rabbit or Dragon. He is such a nice man. In fact, I guess I am the one with those hope and wishes... To him, birth is a miracle and a grace from God. I love him for being so grateful.

When I look back, I am overcome by the Holy Spirit and thought of how I prayed and watched those Christian television network. Plus I did some volunteering work in school and also donated quite a bit to a mission in Lampung Sumatra as well as an orphanage in Surabaya. God must have seen those. When I was diagnosed with PCO, the doctor gave me 30 pills to take one for each day and said the respond could be as fast as a month. Calculating back, I think I was already healed even before that...

I am grateful for everything and this is my prayer: That the Lord would bless this pregnancy, sealed it with His grace and Power, protect this pregnancy and be with the child all of his life. That the pregnancy will be smooth till the end and that the child will be born healthy and perfect and that he will grow up to be a successful person that will influence and bless many people. That I will have more child in the future as well.

On the more playful tone, I do actually wish I would have twins... A boy and a girl... If my body allows... :)

Amen

HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE

Right now, I choose to be happy, I choose to be well and I choose to be joyful despite all the things I am facing right now because happiness is a choice.

I cherish my husband :)
I love my husband :)

Am I still a Faith Sojourner?
I certainly hope sooooooooo...

FOLLOWING MY HEART AS IF A COMPASS

I visited a school today. The school belongs to a non-profit organization and the movement was started in Taiwan. Let's refer to it by the initial of TC. Most of the students are that of the less privileged family background. Actually they are very under privileged. They were the victim of government neglect. It was nice to see that the affluent of the country actually have a heart for them.

I was happy about it and it a whisper of self-actualization overcame me. There was an outburst of joyful compassion from my heart and it felt as if I was following my heart. Passion and compassion, the compass of the heart. It awakened the little Faith Sojourner that was left inside of me. Should I say, the diminishing trickle of left over zeal.

It felt as if God had opened a way for me. I always knew that there was a calling for me and through the years of hardship and obstacles, it had opened my heart to see that all I need to do is to freely flow into His will. At the same time, I realized that the biggest barrier is not that imparted by others, but that which is self-created.

Over the years of those preparation time where I experienced hardship, I found myself to listen first and listen more to others, see more than before and feel more than before. It was as if all of my senses are more sensitive and I am able to feel and think more of the stimulus than before.

So I guess here I am Lord once again. Ready to do Your will.
To follow my heart as if a compass

FAITH SOJOURNER WITH LITTLE FAITH AND PRACTICALLY A LOST SOJOURNER

After missing in action for over 2 years, I have finally decided to return to Faith Sojourner mode... Why is this? There's no other explanation but I am having difficulty in life...

What's the matter? I guess it's NO BABIES YET!!! I have been married for over 3 months now and by the way it took me a very long time to finally sell myself off!!! And just as I thought that I am safe and sound in the promised land... where there is milk and honey flowing... I see no sign of babies popping out of me!!! Thus so I have no other alternative but to 'once again lay myself down at His feet'. That line is a classic traditional cliche and if a non believer read this he or she would have thought that I love smelling other's feet.

Yes!!! Despite the 400 babies target given by our bestman, there is no baby in the near sight for us yet. I have consulted with a doctor and she said the sudden weight gain during honeymoon causes imbalance in my system. Therefore adjustments need to be done in prior. NOTE: I am unwilling to blame my greed with food during the honeymoon because that's what honeymoon is supposed to be all about; sit, eat, sleep, see and shop.

In the Faith Sojourner realm, I should and therefore I will believe that it is only the will of God for anyone to be able to have a baby and so I try to minimize mourning over such matter and focus on what I can do or actually what God wants me to do. Which is hard for now because my super faith has dwindled into a tiny star and I will need to pump it once again.

The good news is I have started going to fellowship and listening to sermons and so it's not just NATO 'no action talk only'. I have also been meaning to establish a prayer schedule but was held up by the effect of medication. Tomorrow is the last pill I have to swallow and then I plan to have my energy back. This medication causes lethargy for some reason and it's a common side effect. It's actually a medication for a diabetic to suppress sugar level by decreasing sugar absorption but along the way something is changing with the insulin. Anyways, I feel lethargic, that's all that I could think of.

BTW I am actually trying to get back on track by taking ERA Sales System Training. It will come handy in the future but for now I am still confused on where to go and what to do. There's what my parents want me to do and there's what I want to do. There's what I am good at doing and there's what my parents hope I will do. For years I have been confused. Torn between doing what I like and liking what I do. In the former case, I would feel unfilial towards my parents while in the later case I feel like I am missing out. I need to lay it down on what I would do. In short the training was free and so why not jump into it...

Once again, let me remind myself that in the end, it's really discovering what God wants me to do...
Jesus Christ, come into my life and please touch me so I know what to do...

Sincerely clueless Faith Sojourner, this time with little faith and practically a lost sojourner

REDISCOVERING MYSELF

I have not been making my entries in this Faith Sojourner blog, I guess it is clear that I am quite lost. I have started 7 other blogs yet I have not added any entries into this one. I guess I could say that I have not been Faith Sojourner. I’ve lost my vision and mission. I have tried returning to God, and so far only managed to calm myself down and dry my tears. Amidst the disappointment I am experiencing with God, I figure I can either further indulge in it or change my perspective and look back into the past in search of my vision and mission. I need to be found. Here is an excerpt taken from my journal on my 26th birthday, August 30, 2005;

BIRTHDAY REFLECTION

A quarter of a century plus one on this earth, what have I done and where I am going? How is my personal relationship with Christ? Have I fulfilled all of the missions He gave me? And am I ready for the next assignment yet?

Last year, my 25th year of being alive is about death. Dying in the flesh and resting all of my desires before His feet. Apart from that, last year was also about finding my mission and what God’s purpose in my life is. At the start of the year God had promised a restoration in my life. This year is the year of restoration He said. What I have lost during my desert days will be restored. 1 Peter 5:10, But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen and settle you.

Last year can be termed the Desert Days where ‘death’ was demanded of me and that was also the point when God gave me a vision, a ministry. The strangest thing, when I returned to Surabaya and dug through my pile of diaries, this purpose of life that God gave me fits perfectly with the prophecies I received during my university days!!! So what is this purpose of life? I received them while I was back in USA last year.

2 Corinthians 5:7 & 1 Chronicles 29:15
NAME: FAITH SOJOURNER :
WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT, FOR WE ARE ALL SOJOURNERS ON EARTH

VISION AND MISSION:
EMOTION IS MY MISSION
SALVATION IS MY VISION

OCCUPATION:
AAA - ASSOCIATION OF ANGELS ON ASSIGNMENTS, the real life insurance policy
3M - MIRACLE MAKER MULTINATIONAL, the manufacturing company that matters

PASSPORT:
BIBLE - BASIC INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE LEAVING EARTH

Every Chance is an Opportunity to Change Someone’s Eternity

No Book but the Bible
No Creed but Christ
No Laws but Love

In the essentials unity
In the non-essentials liberty
In all charity

Mini Code of Conduct:
2 Corinthians 6:8-10
As Deceivers yet Genuine, Unknown yet Well-known, Dying yet Alive, Beaten yet Not killed, Sorrowful yet always Rejoicing, immersed in tears yet always filled with deep joy, Poor yet making many Rich, Having nothing yet possessing all things

Philippians 1:21
For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain

Acts 1:7-8.
And you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem(family) and in all Judea(relatives) and Samaria(friends) and to the ends of the earth(wherever).

Those were the vision, mission and code of conduct I received when I was 25 years old. Before that here are some of God’s promises that He gave it specifically, not just casually and I remember them on top of my head;

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose

Romans 8:18
For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us

1 Peter 5:10
But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you

1 Corinthians 2:9
But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him

Isaiah 64:4
For since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither hath the eye seen, O God, beside thee, what he hath prepared for him that waiteth for him

2 Chronicles 16:9
For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him.

Jeremiah 45:5
And seekest thou great things for thyself? seek them not: for, behold, I will bring evil upon all flesh, saith the LORD: but thy life will I give unto thee for a prey in all places whither thou goest

Philippians 3:7-16
But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ, And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith: That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death; If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead.
Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you. Nevertheless, whereto we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us mind the same thing.

Luke 1:28
And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women

The latest inspiring quotes that I came across are;

You may roll the dice, but God decides the outcome.
People don’t care how much you know till they know how much you care.

I hope to find myself once again soon. Yes Lord, I am lost and wish to be found.

DIVINE APPOINTMENTS

After reading Purpose Driven Life, I have recently been paying more attention to the people I come across or the people I meet everyday. Nothing happens by chance, everything comes from God and is God's grace and mercy alone. That bring us to the topic of DIVINE APPOINTMENTS.

I would define Divine Appointments as simply as the people we meet in our everyday lives. They might be regulars in our lives or non regulars. The issue however is now that we have the chance to meet this person or these people, what are we going to do and say? Every chance is an opportunity to change someone's eternity. Are we going to waste the given chance by merely talking about current affairs or worse gossiping about others?
Here's what Kirk Cameron did with the divine appointments appointed to him...

Divine Appointments in Unexpected Places Kirk CameronWay of the MasterAs I was walking from my car to the front door of our ministry offices, I noticed a man in a black jacket riding a Moped through the adjacent alley with three dogs tagging along. He stopped in front of one of the office windows and peered inside. When he realized I was watching him, he said, "Excuse me. What kind of business is this?"
"A Christian ministry," I told him. I thought this might be a good witnessing opportunity, so I bent down and struck up a conversation with his dogs whose names were Tiger, Sarah, and Samson. After I engaged in a couple minutes of doggie talk with the pooches, the man (whose name was also Kirk) said, "Hey, you look like that guy!" He told me that he had seen me recently on television talking about God and asked, "What made you go that way?"

I shared my story of being an atheist turned Christian and asked him to tell me his story. He unloaded his whole story on me almost as if he needed someone to talk to.

He told me that he was married but had lost his job. He admitted he had been using cocaine and loved to smoke marijuana. He had lots of guns at home and had recently tried to commit suicide by hanging himself with a chain in his garage. He said, however, that he wasn't "strong enough" to go through with it and had put his head through the homemade chain noose only to see what it would feel like. I gulped.

This guy was really nice. He was polite, had a smile on his face, and to look at him you wouldn't know anything was wrong. I asked him if he believed in God. He said, "Sure I do." The rest of our conversation went like this:

"What do you think happens when you die?"
"I'm not sure."
"Well, would you consider yourself a good person?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Do you think you've kept the Ten Commandments?"
"Probably not."
"Well, I can take you through a few of them and you can see how you're doing. Is that okay?"
"Sure."
"Have you ever lied?"
"Oh yes. Many times."
"What does that make you?"
"A liar."
"Have you ever stolen anything, no matter how much it cost?"
"Yes I have, and that makes me a thief."
"Right. Jesus said, 'Whoever looks upon a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her..."
"Oh yes, I've committed adultery many, many times."
The tone of his voice changed and he dropped his head, resting his chin against his chest. He was suddenly quiet. I continued.
"Sir, you just admitted to being a lying thief and an adulterer and you've got to face God on Judgment Day. If God judges you according to the Ten Commandments, do you think you'll be innocent or guilty?"
"Guilty."
"So does that mean you'd go to Heaven or Hell?"
"Hell."

From this point on in our conversation, he was very contemplative. It was apparent to me that this man knew he was in trouble with God. We talked about the seriousness of sinning against a holy God and the reality of God's just punishment. He didn't argue or try to make up excuses. I discerned that he was feeling conviction and he was ready for grace.

We talked for another several minutes about God's love for him and how God demonstrated it by sending His only begotten Son to die for him on the cross, making a way for him to be reconciled to his Creator. I explained repentance and faith and he seemed to have a very good grasp on what those words meant. He didn't try to complicate things, or offer up excuses for his past actions, but said he understood that the only thing he felt he could do was to "stop doing those things and ask God for help." I re-emphasized the necessity of dying to himself (not to end his life by hanging with a noose, but to live for God) and trusting in Jesus Christ alone to save him from sin and lead him as Lord.

The man's eyes welled up with tears as we continued to talk. I gave him some things to help him along in his spiritual journey (a Soundly Saved CD and Save Yourself Some Pain booklet) and asked him if he'd like to pray. He was very grateful and we prayed together in the alleyway.

He told me about how a relative of his had turned to God because of a miraculous event in his life and how he wished that God would do something out of the ordinary for him as some sort of a "sign." I laughed as I thought about how out of the ordinary it was for a man named Kirk to happen to ride his bike by a Christian ministry building at just the moment "that guy" (another Kirk) was walking into that building, strike up a conversation about God that clearly showed him "the way," and end up praying for salvation. I asked him if he thought our meeting could possibly be the sign he was looking for. He looked up to the heavens, smiled, and then nodded his head and said, "Maybe it is." He gave me a hug and his business card and said he'd be back one day.

As he rode his Moped down the street with Tiger, Sarah, and Samson following behind, I prayed for him and thought about how wonderful God is to arrange such divine appointments in such unexpected places.
"Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, Even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me." ~ Psalm 139:7-10

Kirk Cameron is best known as Mike Seaver from the TV series Growing Pains. He is also known to Christians as "Buck Williams" from Left Behind: The Movie – based on the NY Times best-selling novels by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins. Click here to read about the newest Left Behind installment, World at War and how churches are playing a key role in distribution this October.For more articles by Kirk, and many tools that will help you learn to share your faith, visit wayofthemaster.com. The Way of the Master is an interdenominational ministry whose purpose is to teach Christians how to share the gospel effectively, biblically…the way Jesus did.

How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher? And how shall they preach unless they are sent? How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the gospel of peace. Who bring glad tidings of good things.

Lord Jesus Christ, help me realize my appointed divine appointments. Let me not waste it but help me seize the moment knowing that every chance is an opportunity to change someone's eternity.

Called to be a Witness, not an Attorney

I have been enlightened with the new understanding of what it means to be a missionary today. After reading Oswald Chambers' devotions, I realize that a missionary is simply one who has realized that he or she is not his or her own. He or she belongs to God, that is the simplest essence of being a missionary and since then I've always labelled myself as a missionary despite my real occupation and its fancy title and of course, continually reminded myself that I am not my own each brand new day. But then again what should I do? Ya I know I'm a missionary now and His daily assignments usually comes, but still, what should I do to really really do the works of God?

I found the answer to that in John 6:29, This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He has sent. It turned out that doing the works of God is as easy as that... simple. Like what Dietrich Boenhoeffer said in his book of The Cost of Discipleship about single-minded obedience. Doing the works of God is really that easy... single-minded obedience. Or like the popular Nike slogan goes; Just Do It. Whenever I start questioning, which, I always do, I bet had God been in our midst he would have jolly well screamed to me; Just do it, darn it!!!

Thus so, I try to do everything for God. After all, my life is worth nothing, as it is... no career, no commitment, no denarii, nothing, at this point, there is really no fish to sell and so it wouldn't make sense to be selfish. I have been doing quite a bit, my fair share I termed till I realized that really, nothing about God has ever come out of my mouth recently.

I must confess I started out pursuing apologetics after my repentance. My definition of being a missionary at that time would be to sit unbelievers down one by one and drive them to their own untheological perils! Have hearty arguments to corner them, in the name of God, with banners full of Christian messages as the backdrop and should it be deemed essential I would go as far as wearing a priest's robe complete with a bible on my right hand and a cross in my pocket, arguing with those unbelievers, trying to convince them that the truth will set them free. The only thing that was freed however was my friendship with them as I hailed victory to my arguments but lost their hearts... what the Romans would call a phyrric victory...

Guess it didn't work... and after that I hide myself behind what St. Francis of Assisi said about what it means to be a missionary; Preach the gospel, only use words when necessary. Since then, silence is golden and a silent company in a time of need is worth a million more than a single praise in successful moments. I rarely said anything about Christ

Today, I read a part of Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren on being made for a mission and one profound thing that he mentioned was, as written in the bible, 'You will be my witness' not 'You will be my attorney' and so it got me really thinking. Have I been an attorney for Christ all these while and what does it mean to be a witness??? What does a witness do? Does he judge the case? or attempt to persuade the judge who is wrong and who is right? Hmm, doesn't look like it. A witness simply tells what happened. As simple as that.

And so today I was brought to the realization of what it really means to be a missionary and do the works of God. It simply means testifying to others what God is doing in our lives and that is about it. Simple and crystal clear.